I had been planning this for a long time. The worst part about suicide is that feeling you’re going to burden someone else with your death. I decided to take my time, and make sure I had accounted for everything.
A few years back I took up parachuting. It raised eyebrows among a number of my friends and family, but eventually it was an accepted fact. It was good. Every weekend I would be out jumping, and sometimes I’d go on holidays to jump as well. I trained up. I got my licence to jump solo, trained to pack my own parachute. The fact I was so busy with my new hobby meant that I’d grown more distant from my family and friends. That was good. It would make it easier on them. Of course, they had assumed I’d made new friends with my new hobby but this wasn’t true. I’d stayed aloof, except for photographs.
As I knew the time was nearing, I started selling my possessions very slowly. I rarely had house guests so it wasn’t too obvious. A week before my final drop I was down to just my bed, a couple changes of clothes, and my parachute. I’d been careful. I’d given the landlord notice that I was moving out, and I gave my bed to goodwill on the day I handed my keys over. I booked into a hotel for a couple of nights. I hadn’t told anyone. Just me, my parachute, a change of clothes.
Of course, I had my will sorted out years ago. My savings account had enough money to pay for my funeral easily, and anything else was to be donated to a cancer research charity. I hadn’t left any instructions about the way in which I was to be buried as that had seemed irrelevant. The funeral wasn’t for me, after all, it was for them.
I slept soundly that night knowing it would be my last. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I ate, and I ran through the motions in my head. I had packed my parachute incorrectly so that it would fail. I had picked a drop where I knew it would only be me. The drop was to be from a relatively high altitude. I would deliberately not breathe correctly and lower the oxygen in my system. When I pull the cord for the parachute nothing will happen and it will look to forensics like an accident. I will black out long before I hit the ground. I won’t be conscious to experience my death, but my last memory will be a beautiful vista.